Short personal updates (short, I promise)

First, I have a three month vacation until September 21st. I have a LOT of stuff planned, I'm leaving for a goa festival tomorrow, might go see WuTang again...

Second. I also passed my year. I'm so happy and grateful for all the help and support I got.

I'm reading a lot these days, but I'm afraid my good ol' substance abuse habbit it kicking in pretty hard (no pun intended). I had a fight with my best friend over it, so this is probably the best clue to know somethingis not right. There's just so much... Thoughts...

This is how I feel right now: 

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

#HoldACokeWithYourBoobsChallenge. I am going to puke for real.

Check out THIS amount of PURE GARBAGE.

Oh boy. Where do I start?

First, I'm all in favour of people getting aware of (breast)cancer. Cancer is a serious disease.

Second. Showing off your (fake) boobs will NOT help women with breastcancer. It's a stupid excuse for showing nudity.

Third. This is so degrading towards women. I don't believe this is going to go viral as much as that stupid ass Ice Bucket crap. But how many girls and women will do this just to fit in? On top of all of those doing it for ATTENTION, mmmmkay? That's all this is. A lousy excuse to continue the picturing of women as mere objects.

Fourth. How in the world is this going to help cancer patients? Will they mysteriously grow boobs again? Just as in the Ice Bucket crap, almost all people just did it without donating any money. Same will go for this.

Fifth. Do you have any idea how hard it is for women to lose one or both breasts? Do you know how expensive reconstructive surgery is? So, in my opinion, this is extremely offending. 'Hey look, we still have boobs, you don't, join the cancer cause!'

Sixth. Breast cancer already has a whole MONTH of awareness, in december. Just saying. Ever heared about the pink ribbon movement? That's what I'm talking about.

Seventh. There's more than one type of cancer you know. Rise some awareness for those?

Eight. Coke will be so happy with the free advertisement.

Ninth. I'm gonna puke now.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Top ten conspiracy theories proven to be true

Small post, this video says it all: *link*

The first one and the one about the CIA trying to manipulate media outlets are the most important in my opinion.

MK ULTRA still happens today. So many things happened and are still happening, but no one believes them because they are labeled as 'conspiracy'. I mean, the US governement told it's citizens for years that there was no such thing as organised crime. Can you believe that? This idea, of the mafia not existing, was told to everyone for a long period of time.

Don't believe what the media tells you. Keep an open mind!

More Charlie Hebdo

Just found this video. As I mentioned in a previous post, the attacks to me were really fishy. Just take a look at the link above.

I do have some comments on it. If you're new to conspiracy theories, I'd suggest you look into it some more.

First, the 'proof' that it was set up because of the cartoon that was published days before the attack, is not convincing enough for me. Not free-standing I mean. As you all know, the puppet masters do like to slip in images before an event actually happens. Some examples from the 9/11 attacks:

I mean come on. Funny thing is of course, you'll only notice it when it's too late. I'll try and type an informative post about predictive programming soon, but I don't know if I'll be able to do it in English.
Anyway, as said before, the cartoon published in the first issue of Charlie Hebdo for me, is not enough proof.

You should really watch from minute 3. Look at that. Look. At. That. No blood is seen. Body does not move. I never shot a gun, but there should be blood, lots of it. Didn't happen. Besides, the weapon used to 'kill' the officer was an AK-47. There would not have been a head left if that man was really hit.

Okay, so what can we say after seeing the breakdown of the shooting? The man was not killed. Which is good of course, I'm all in favour of people surviving. But we got LIED TO, again. I honestly don't know what happened to the cartoonists and other staff workers from Charlie Hebdo. I still believe they were actually killed, but of course we don't have video material from the shooting. I don't want to make any remarks on that, since I don't have proof to  show.

This shooting does fit perfectly into the global plot to make us hate every muslim. I suggest this link for further reading, many inconsistancies occur. Try to keep an open mind on this.

I'll keep you guys updated.

Don't believe the hype.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

MyReads: April

I had to check my Goodreads profile to make sure. Only four books? I blame it on the two-week holliday I had. Luckily, three of the books from this month blew me away.


Dirk van Steenberge - 'Woesten' (read in Dutch; no translation)

Another hyped book, but this time, I totally understand the hype. This book takes us back to Belgium during the end of the nineteenth century. Two brothers, one of them normal, one of them deformed, both grow up in the West of Flanders. Both of them have different lives, and then the war begins...
His writing style and choice of words was just close to perfection. I had tears in my eyes multiple times, not because of sad stuff that happened, but merely because the brilliant choice of words, descriptions,... A must read!

MyScore: 9.5/10


Javier Cercas - 'Outlaws' (read in Dutch, same title)

Young boy Ignatio grew up in Spain, close to a ghetto where all the cool kids went. There he meets the charismatic gang leader El Zarco, and his (girl)friend, Tere. During one summer, Ignatio is involved in crime, drugs, and other fun stuff. Luckily, he gets out just in time, and El Zarco is captured, never to be freed again.
20 years later, Tere visits Ignatio, who now is a successful lawyer, to ask him for help with El Zarco's case. But will he do it? And why?
This is probably the best book I've read this year, so far. I am still in love with Tere. Cercas paints with words, I could imagine some scenes perfectly. The ending, also, is really beautiful. Go hit the bookstore or library and check this one out!

MyScore: 10/10


R.J. Ellory - 'Ghostheart' (read in Dutch; title: 'Een ongenode gast')

Mr. Ellory is probably my favourite thriller author. Apparently, this novel is much older than the others I've read from him, and this is noticeable. I liked it, Ellory is a master when it comes to creating an atmosphere. Thinking back, I must admit I almost read through the night just to know how it would end. Not his best book ever, but overall a good, entertaining novel.

MyScore: 7/10 



Paul Hoffman - 'The left hand of God' (read in Dutch; title: 'De linkerhand van God')

A-MAzing fantasy. Dark, shocking, full of plottwists, strange characters and worlds, a forbidden love... I really hope HB-Whore leaves this one alone. Can't wait for the next book in the series!
We follow our hero, Cale, who grew up in a sadistic, medieval-christianity-like cult. As the first ever, he manages to fully escape the terror of the cult, together with two others, and the boys end up in another city. There, he learns there is more to life than pain, but sadly enough, the cult is out for war, and the city needs Cale for protection. Will this newfound status enlighten him, or bring him down?
Again, if you loved fantasy novels like the Locke Lamora series or even A Song of Ice and Fire, pick this one up. Now.

MyScore: 9/10


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

MyReads: March

Sorry, again, for the lousy commentaries. I promise I'll try and write a review whenever I actually finish a book.


Griet op de Beeck - 'Vele hemels boven de Zevende'  (read in Dutch, no translation yet)

This debut novel by a Flemish author was hyped up a lot. I can't say I liked it that much. We follow the lifes of five people whom are all related. The main character keeps on doing everything for everyone, until one day she can't take it anymore.
The last part did grab me by the throat, but overall I didn't liked the way she wrote. I think the language she used was horrible. I don't think I'll be reading her second book, since that one is hyped up even more.

MyScore: 5/10


Haruki Murakami - '1q84, book 2' (read in Dutch, same title)

More of the same, but different. Loved it even more than the first one.

MyScore: 9/10


Lars Kepler - 'The Hypnotist' (read in Dutch; title: 'Hypnose')

Good thriller, I might check out their other books. Reads very fast, it's a pretty big book but I finished it in 2 days.

MyScore: 7/10


Joris Tulkens - 'Johanna de Waanzinnige' (read in Dutch, no translation)

Good historical novel, I loved the descriptions combined with historical facts and nice characters. I'm planning on reading hs other historical novels too.

MyScore: 7.5/10


Susan Hill - 'The Various Haunts of Men' (read in Dutch; title: 'Al wat rondwaart')

Best thriller I've read this year, so far. It has a lot of side stories which have nothing to do with the killer, they simply are there to enrich the storyline. I loved it! Luckily she wrote more books, my to-read list keeps on getting longer and longer.

MyScore: 8/10


Jeanne Kalogridis - 'The Devil's Queen: A novel of Catherine de Medici'(read in Dutch; title: 'De Duivelse koniging)

Since I'm pretty sceptical about everything I read about the De Medici, I must say Kalogridis did a great job. She just focussed on the live of Catherine, without any conspiracy stuff. Not only does she describe a lot of scenes perfectly, she also found the time to slip in some philosophical thoughts. A must-read for every historical novel fan.

MyScore: 8/10


Dave Eggers - 'The Wild Things'  (read in Dutch; title: 'Max (en de Wild Things)')

My second Eggers book. It was fun to read, but I can't say I understood much of it. It would've helped if I had read 'Where the wild things are' as a child. I'm planning on reading more Eggers tho, since 'The Circle' was brilliant.

MyScore: 6/10


Dirk De Wachter - 'Liefde, een onmogelijk verlangen?' 

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. De Wachter really keeps on rocking. Not only does he have the intellect to see what happens in this world, he is capable of putting up a mirror in front of everyone, to make us see we all are influenced by society. In a soft and gentle way, he pleads for an easier, less complex and more loving society, in which we don't just throw out everything when stuff doesn't work out.

MyScore: 9/10


Haruki Murakami - '1q84, book three'  

Can't say I didn't see the ending coming, but this trilogy really blew me away. I know the opinions differ, but for me, this is the best Murakami I've read so far.

MyScore: 9/10


Stuart MacBride - 'Cold Granite' (read in Dutch; title: 'Steenkoud')

Okay thriller, not much to say about this one.

MyScore: 6/10


Bart Koubaa - 'De Leraar' (read in Dutch; no translation)

This book was really weird. We follow a teacher who got bullied once too many at school, but in the end, he turns out to be some crazy cannibal. Although the story in itself really wasn't that great, the book did make me think about a lot. Since I have a friend who has a teachers degree, I know some first hand stories about how full of shit pupils can be. It was an insightfull book, giving more questions than it answers, which I dig.

MyScore: 7/10


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Game of Thrones and why Big Media will not allow me to love the Boltons anymore

                                   WARNING: MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD
(show and book spoilers. I haven't seen the latest season since I honestly don't care anymore.) 




I started reading the 'A Song of Ice and Fire' series (asoiaf) about two years back. Since I always try to read the book before seeing the movie or series, I know what I am talking about. Also, I want to make clear that I see the book series and the HBO adaptation as two completely different stories.

In the books, some of my favourite characters are Roose and Ramsay Bolton. Ramsay because he is one of the most convincing villians I ever met in a book. Not only does he enjoy to inflict immense pain on people, he is also smart and calculated. Roose on the other hand is in my opinion, one of the smartest men in Westeros. He saw the downfall of Robb Stark when every one else was still in a daze. In the books, the Boltons aren't just crazy flayers, and I believe Roose Bolton is pretty fit to be the warden of the North.

Also, I hate Little Finger and I hate how HBO keeps on using this secondary character as one of the main forces in the war. The only thing he ever did worth mentioning is pushing that bitch Lysa through the Moon Door. Since I haven't seen the latest season, I was really shocked by the events that took place during the episode 'Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken'. I wasn't shocked about the rape tho, kinda saw that one coming. I'll get back to that later. I was, however, shocked by the fact that they made Littlefinger rush to Cersei Lannister to betray Sansa. This, truly, makes no fucking sense. If there is ONE thing you should know about Petyr Baelish, it would be his lifelong obsession with Catelyn Stark. How ambitious he may be, the book-Petyr would never, NEVER betray Catelyns daughter. Never.

(In the books, Petyr tries to fix a marriage between Sansa and Lysa's stupid son, in order to give her a change to reclaim Winterfell. But, she is still save in the Eyrie, and back in Winterfell, Ramsay is getting married to fake Arya. Who did get raped on her wedding night. But well, as I said before, kinda saw that one coming.)

Okay, so why is the world suddenly so shocked about the rape of Sansa Stark? I mean, I stopped watching long before this episode, because well, their was too much sexual violence for my appetite. I'm not even referring to the infamous 'Jaime-raping-Cersei-next-too-Joffreys-corpse', no, one of the scenes which literally shocked me was in season 4, episode 4, 'Oathkeeper'. Jon Snow and his fellow crows head for Craster's Keep. The deserted crows over there captured the women, and I can remember one of them saying 'fuck them till they're dead'. Why? This sentence wasn't in the books. I'm not saying asoiaf isn't violent. It is. There is rape, but GRRM is decent enough to keep the descriptions about this horrible act to a minimum. I don't feel like seeing about ten women get raped simultaneously.

So, I really don't get why the world suddenly is so shocked. Rape was always a part of this show.

On the other hand, the marriage and rape of Sansa Stark by Ramsay Bolton is the first (and not last) serious change that was made to the script. Sansa has been through horrible things the last seasons. The makers of GOT could have chosen a different road. But sadly enough, those little men believe rape is actually some kind of character-building thingy. All the strenght she had built up is now vanished.

It is extremely important to see that this rape was orchestrated by the men behind the series. WHY did they do it? Simple. Since the world is watching GOT, everything which happens on the show is seen by millions of watchers. I honestly believe the media are trying to deform our ideas and thoughts about the world. By having Sansa raped, not only did they cause an almost global fuss, by having us watch rape and violence over and over again, they glorify it. They are trying to make it look as something normal. Already I heard men and women argue that this was not rape, since it happened inside of the bridal bed. Legally speaking, Ramsay and Sansa of course are married, but if I ever hear a married man say how this is not rape, I'll just advise his wife to tie the bastard to the bed and fuck him in the ass with a broomstick. Because when it happens inside a marriage it's not rape? See how easy they slip these ideas in. You don't have to agree with them at first (I really hope no one does that), but by gradually dosing up the violence, we get used to it. And when you get used to something, you'll stop questioning it. And that, my dear friends, is the only reason why Sansa got raped.

I also feel disgusted by the reactions the actors gave after the episode aired. Check it out: Iwan Rheons reaction. What startles me the most is how they keep on talking about aaaallll of the other stuff, and not the rape. Even more disturbing is this one. So not only was Sansa's virginity taken away from her in the most brutal way possible, she also has to please him now?

I'm really just trying to see the books apart from the show right now, but I feel like something I really loved has been taken away from me again. Again, Big Media took a great story to deform it into something that makes us want to think violence and rape are okay. I already was feeling down, thanks, for making my day HB-whore. Well at least I don't have to waste my time watching series anymore. (with exceptions, maybe)

Just keep in mind that in the media, everything happens for a reason. Every symbol, every suggestion, and yes, every rape, is orchestrated and means something. Don't let it fool you.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Happy Birthday to me

Well, my 25th year into this life sure sucked monkeyballs. I'm struggling with myself and my addictions pretty hard this year. Besides that, I have and had some personal issues, of which I won't speak today since I already did that too much.

I started a new blog today, just for myself really, for writing down my feelings in my native language. Also, this will probably mean I'll keep the whining and complaining to myself, and will try to have more descent articles. So keep on visiting folks, better days and posts are hopefully coming your and my way.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Probably for the first time here at this blog - GOOD NEWS

Hiya folks. I haven't been posting since I have been really busy with (guess what) school. I also started going out and hanging out with friends more often. On top of that, I was 4 books behind on my goodreads reading schedule. Yes.

Anyway, I still can't believe how many good stuff has happened since I got back from Berlin. I can even make a list.

• MY MOMS TUMOR HAS SHRUNK MORE THAN HALF OF IT'S SIZE

I KNOW RIGHT!!! Even her oncologist could hardly believe what great effect the chemotherapy had on her primary tumor and almost all (if not all) of the secundary ones. True, she still has to have one chemo every three weeks, but she doesn't have to stay overnight anymore. Also, we still don't know how long this product she gets will be effective. BUT. She did an amazing job and I am so proud of her. Besides that, our relationship keeps on getting tighter, it's amazing to finally have a mother. (my mom and I didn't get along at all untill 3 years ago)

• I passed all my exams

With one more exam period to go, starting on June 1st till June 12th, I can proudly say I'm on track for finishing my second year in nursing school without any obstackles. I'm working hard at the moment and I can't wait to be over and have that 3 month vacation. And I'm also a little proud. I did it. :)

• I feel much, much better and finally found peace with certain stuff

I've always been a thinker, but at certain times, certain ideas got stuck in my head and they kept on deforming the way I see the world and myself. After Berlin and my two week vacation, I kinda sorted some big ones out. It's not like I had psychosis or something, it's not easy to explain and I promise I'll try to get to the bone of this in some later post.

• I made a decision concerning my studies

I decided to try and study one more year after I finish. Sadly enough, I don't know if this will be possible. More info later.


I really try to keep this blog going but I have so little time... I miss writing.


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Berlin, ich liebe dich!

I never had the chance to travel much. My parents never went abroad except for Luxemburg, which is even smaller than Belgium. Anyway, it's never too late to start travelling, so me and my best friend decided to hit the road and leave for Berlin.

I always wanted to visit this city. Not only is it a historical city, with parts of the Berlin wall still standing and of course, the Reichstag and other buildings. It's also the capitol of electronical music, with Kraftwerk and others. Besides that, it's also and absolutely beautiful city, I can recommend it to every one.

We left on tuesday and I got sick on wednesday... Bad karma I guess. Still, we had an awesome time, sadly enough we had to leave way too soon. We saw Unter den Linden, Berlins most famous Boulevard. We visited the 'Deutsches Historisches Museum' at said Boulevard. It was amazing, I love old art and I love the reformation, of which this museum has a big collection. I drooled all over the place.

Since I grew up in a small town and moved for Antwerp 4 years ago, I'd like to make a little comparison.

1. German roads are perfect. It's like driving on feathers. 100 meters before the Flemish border, the roads become all noisy and bumpy. I never believed this 'rumour' to be true, but it is. Belgian roads suck.

2. Berlin has very little cycle paths, people just ride their bikes on the freeways. German drivers seem to know this, and try to make space for them. Still, traffic in the city is very chaotic, and I must admit I was scared a lot while driving through Berlin.

3. Berlin is not expensive at all. I really thought we would have to pay a lot more for drinks and food, but if you look around a little bit, cheap dinner is easy to be found.

4. Parks! Trees! Berlin is known for being a 'green' city, but the parks are literally everywhere, and they're clean, too.

5. The architecture is so much better than over here. In Belgium, we have ribbon building, which is ugly as hell. Berlin does have huge appartment blocks, but they all seem to fit in.

6. Belgium still has better beer. I refuse to drink German beer, so we had to drink cocktails or longdrinks during our stay. A little win for Belgium.

7. People are really open-minded over there. While people in Antwerp seem to be scared of minorities, Berlin embraces them. It's funny, since over here we have a much bigger population of muslims.

8. Party. This city truly never sleeps. Sadly enough we couldn't hit a club since I was ill, but the hostel we stayed at had a great bar which didn't close until 4.

Hmmm.. I want to go back!

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Goddamn.

I try, I REALLY try to write but I'm not getting there, yet.

Berlin was great. The city, at least. I was physically and mentally ill.

I'm trying to quit smoking.

I have a lot, lot lot to figure out

hang in there all of you who reads this

this, too. shall pass.


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Personal updates, again

6 more days and my exams will be OVER. I'm counting the hours. (not really, but I really can't wait to be done). Up till now, everything has gone according to plan, I did screw up two exams and didn't perform that well on two others, but those grades will be combined with four other exams which did go well.

Since I have little free time, I prefer spending the hours I have with reading. I'm not online as much as I used to, and I do miss writing. I hope to have more time in the two week vacation that's coming up. After that, I'll have 5 weeks of classes and exams, again. But when those are done, I hope I've passed everything so I'll have a three-month vacation.

My mom is doing fine, she is starting to lose hair and she's tired a lot, but her spirit still is high and overall, she's doing great. She'll have another chemo on April, 2th, after that she'll have tests to see if it worked. It'll be some scary weeks to come, but I dare to hope a little bit.
My dad is still as depressed as a donkey. I don't see him having a speedy recovery anytime soon. He still limps, he still sighs whenever something happens, and he still hangs in the sofa all day, staring.

I'm doing allright. Studying takes my mind of off things, so that's a good thing I guess.

I'll try to put up some descent posts when I have the time. I have a new Ebola post planned and there are some things happening in Belgium I just have to discuss. But now, 6 more days of hell and boredom! (and the 'occasional' I-drank-too-much-wine evening)

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

A wall between us

Sometimes I wonder about how hard it seems to get in touch with people. I'm not talking about friends or relatives now, but strangers, passing us by every day.

I live in Antwerp, as you all know. My place is close to the underground, and whenever I'm home I ride the metro almost every day. One of the platforms is very deep, with a long moving staircase down. It's a chilly, nihilistic place full of graffiti and decorated with occasional piles of puke. It was at this melancholic place I first saw 'the beatnik'.

Mr Beatnik was in very bad shape that morning. He was standing up, at the stairs next to the moving staircase. He seemed to be asleep while standing. I asked him if he was okay, and he replied he was fine. I've seen him several times after that first encouter. His favourite place to sit is said stairs. After a few times I noticed he had a leg prothesis. Sometimes he's singing and sometimes he's sleeping. One time he was on the same metro as me, and he was talking to other travelers, in English, with visible joy and enthousiasm.

He always sits down and he never looks up or seems to care when children make fun of him. All remarks and comments people make seem to glide of off him like water. What intrigues me the most about him, is that he is always reading an old, wrinkled book. That's where the metaphorical wall comes into play: ever since I've seen him reading, I've been dying to know which book it is. It must have significant value for him, because it's always the same book and it doesn't look like he has any other possessions.

Last week, I took the moving staircase and he was sitting at his spot. When I crossed him, I decided that this was the day, this time I'll ask him, this moment, I'll know. But I couldn't. I already opened my mouth to pop the question, but the words went dry on my lips, I just couldn't do it.

Why? I wondered about this question for some time. First, I blamed in on the language: I heard him speak English once, so I was in doubt, should I speak in Dutch or English? But this excuse is way too easy. Truth is, I find it hard to reach out to people. I rather not answer the question. Because reaching out to someone requires not only interest, but also strenght. Because people could just block us off. Because maybe, people won't be happy with the interest you give them.

What does this learn me? Simple. I have a lot of ideals and a lot of ideas I find valuable, but acting according to those values, is not as easy as it seems.

I'll keep you updated on this.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

MyReads: February

Suzanne Collins - 'Mockingjay'

I have to admit it, I love the Hunger games trilogy. I know Hollywood is raping the script and turning it into some scary MK ULTRA, predictive programming thing, but still these books are the best young adult fiction I've read in years. (I don't really have anything to compare except Twilight, which sucked donkey balls. note to self: read more young adult fiction) I won't spoil anything for anyone, just read the damn trilogy.


my score: 7/10


Andrew Pyper -  'The trade mission' (read in Dutch; title: 'Handelsmissie')

I was really scared of this book when I started it. Set in the jungle of Brazil, 2 young entrepreneurs, one helper and a tolk go on a boat trip. They get captured and tortured by locals. I picked up this book because the description said it was like a modern 'Deliverance', and I love that novel. My fears were uncalled for, the torture practices aren't described in much detail and the book, in general, wasn't that scary. It did make me think of human nature and made me wonder what I would have done while in the same situation. Which is hard, since I never lived traumas that severe. Was it as good as 'Deliverance'? Hell naw. But I can see why thy made the comparison. It took me 2 weeks to finish, I started and finished other books before I finished this one. After the last chapter, I must admit I think it was a little waste of time. I might read some of his other books tho.

My score: 6/10

Donald Thomas - 'The Marquis the Sade, a new biography' (read in Dutch; title: 'Markies de Sade, de definitieve biografie')

A friend who used to be obsessed with de Sade lended this one to me. It was much more interesting than I thought it would be. I never was fond of biographies, but this one points out how de Sade was not just a pervert, but a product of his age. If you're interested in history in general and de Sade in particular, I highly recommend it. It was well written, clear and gave me a different view on his literature. I'm still not sure if I will read one of the Sade's books, probably not. But I did learn a lot from it and I might start reading more biographies.

my score: 7/10

Michael Robotham - 'The night Ferry' (read in Dutch; title: 'Nachtboot')

An okay thriller, the third book I've read from his hand. While you can read all his books apart, I recommend you start with his first one ('the suspect'), since a lot of characters introduced here keep on coming back. I still wonder why I keep reading his books, they aren't badly written or boring. But I always feel something is missing, I can't put a finger on what it is. Still, it was a good story. It's about illegal child trafficking and surrogate mothers.

my score: 6/10

Chuck Palahniuk - 'Fight Club' 

This classic needs no further introduction. I saw the movie about 5 years ago and I didn't get the ending at all, so reading the book made a lot of things more clear. I must say the book is adapted into a movie in a brilliant way, I recognised several quotes. The book in itself is written brilliantly and reads really fast. I found my copy at one of my favourite second-hand books stores. Too bad they had like 1684 copies staring at me, I was looking for this book for ages so I was pretty shocked to finally see it in so many copies. Luckily this has nothing to do with the quality of the book. Written in a brilliant, fast style, I finally understand what all the fuss was about.

My score: 8.5/10



Kathryn Stockett - 'The help' (read in Dutch; title: 'Een keukenmeidenroman') (probably one of the worst title-translations ever. 'De hulp' would've worked just fine.)

Can't say I liked the ending, and some of the characters were really black and white, but besides those two remarks, I enjoyed this book. Set in Mississippi during the sixties, we follow some white women and their black helps. The book made me angry at times, but it did shine light at how hard it was, even for white people, to try and change things.Good reading, not so high in literature and some characters are a bit dull, but the book had a great spirit and I enjoyed the journey.

My score: 6/10


Haruki Murakami - '1q84, part one' (read in Dutch, same title)

Wow, just wow. Before I started reading this, I read 4 other Murakami novels. 'After dark', which was okay, 'Norwegian wood' and 'South of the border, West of the sun', which I both loved, and 'A wild sheep chase', which I hated with a passion and never finished.
But this... We follow Tengo, a math teacher and ghostwriter of a best-seller, and Aomame, who works at a gym, but secretly kills men. As the story continues, more and more facts make clear that Aomame and Tengo must've met much earlier. Strange concepts and people are introduced, and way too soon the book is over. I just had to start reading the second one right away.
I don't know why I love certain Murakami books and loathe others. I do know I love this one, although I would like to see a little less descriptions about sex, but that's a personal preference I guess. All I know is this, I can't wait to know how it ends.

my score: 9/10


Books that match my 2015 reading challenge

• A book a friend recommended: The marquis the Sade
•  A book by an author you've never read before: The trade mission
• A book set somewhere you've always wanted to visit: The help

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Personal updates - again, because I CAN

One more week to go and my exams will finally start. I wish I was religious so I could ask you guys to pray for me, but as an atheïst I don't feel very comfortable about doing that. This being said, I could really use some prayers. I have great study days and horrible study days. All I can really do now is make the best out of it. I did study a lot in advance, but the amount of subject material is just way too much. Every other student thinks likewise.

Besides that, at the moment I'm typing this, my dad is in surgery. I could really write a book about both my mom and dad seperately, but besides the fact my mom is the one who has cancer, my dad is the person I worry about the most these days.
My mom is a terminator. She is probably the strongest person I know. Her dad used to hit her and her mom, she grew up a fighter and has always been one. My dad on the other hand...

I'm just gonna write down to what it all comes down to: my dad is deadly depressed.

I have nothing against people being depressed. To be honest, I struggle with dark periods in my life too every once in a while. The difference is, I actively search for solutions. I went to my doctor, talked about it, got instruction, followed them, and got better. My dad... You can't say anything to him because he simply doesn't listen.

Long story short, last monday he told my mom he wanted to commit suicide. Don't forget my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lungcancer a month back. My dad has been depressed for at least 4 years. I'm in Antwerp at the moment, but will return to my parents on friday. I went back here because I have one more week of classes, but also because my father was driving me totally crazy.

I get that you're afraid, I get that you're scared. But I'm scared, too! He drinks a lot during evenings, but on this one I'm not free of blame either... Problem is, my dad is a very silent man, but he becomes really phoney when drunk. And the day after, he lies about it.

I'll give just one example: 2 weeks ago, when I stayed at my parents house, me and a friend went out for drinks for let's say, an hour and a half, on sunday evening. I return home, not drunk but slightly tipsy, I check on my mom, she's doing fine, she goes to bed. As soon as she walked out of the door, my dad started talking shit about how they don't want me to be with them and the best I could do was leave, soon. I was totally petrified since I was positive about the whole situation, I didn't cause any trouble, even more so, I helped them with the housekeeping whenever I could. I walked out of the room to pour myself some wine, and my dad just FUCKING. LEFT. THE ROOM. He went upstairs, 'sleeping' while he knew good enough I would never come upstairs and confront him when I knew my mom was already in bed. I just sat behind the fire place for over an hour, staring into the flames, drinking wine.
Day after, I was still upset, told my mom, and she made us talk it over. He just lied straight to my face and told me I must've missunderstood him. Lied, straight, in my face. I might have not been sober, but believe me, I still remember his exact words.
Luckily my mom is smart enough to see he is going crazy.

But now he told my mom he wants to die. And the thing that drives me nuts the most, is how I am not capable of having a descent talk with him, he just blocks off every attempt one tries. Mom told his older brother, his two sisters, and her part of the family. My mom NEVER speaks behind someone's back, this was just the only thing she had left to try and make it better.

Is it better? No, since just last wednesday, my dad found out he probably has to go work again, and has been drinking even more. (at the moment, he has a disability pension because of his back) I hate being angry with him and I hate admitting this, but my dad is just a weak little puppy. And I can't handle that, all he does is sit in the sofa all day, limping around, complaining about how much he is in pain... But he never stopped lifting heavy shit. He never stopped cleaning the floors like an obsessed cleaning monkey on speed.
Oh and he talks to himself while drunk, preferably about the person sitting right next to him.

I could go on and on and on... But what would it matter? Instead of studying, I'm at my studio pouring wine, and it's not even 5 PM yet.

Okay okay, enough with the anger and the problems, I also have some good news....

• I received a 'very good' as grading for my internship;
• I received not one, but two 'perfect' grades on my patient case studies;
• I must not forget how much I've already studied;
• I have the best, most loyal and funniest friends in the world. I love you guys, I know you'll never read this since I keep this blog a secret... But I thank all of you, so much, for standing beside me during all of this. You know I'd do just the same for you guys.
• I'm going to Berlin!!!

Saved the best for last... During easter holliday, me and my best male friend will visit the beautiful and cultural Berlin, I honestly can't wait. I've been wanting to visit Berlin for ages. I can really use some days off. I'll make sure to make a lot of pictures and keep you guys informed.

This post became much longer and much more whiny than I would've liked it, but yeah. Feelings and stuff.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

music maestro

Went shopping for food with my mom today, and as always I couldn't stop myself from entering the local bookstore. (for us Belgians: it was Standaard Boekhandel) Didn't buy anything, I rarely buy first hand books. Only when I have free book cheques to be honest.

Anyway, some soft, sweet piano music was playing when I entered. It took my breath away. I'm always a little more sensitive when entering a bookstore, but the atmosphere of the quiet and gentle music was just perfect, I just had to ask the guy what was playing. He told me he didn't knew it himself, it was downloaded, but he wrote the name down: Ludovico Einaudi. I was surprised to find out at home that I already knew some of his work. I think he mostly does soundtracks.

I'm not sure which song was playing exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was this one.

I haven't been into music for years. I know I sound crazy when I tell this, but music doesn't really have a significant place in my life anymore for let's say, 2 years. I used to love music, but since some years back, I enjoy silence much, much more. I can really go without music for weeks. Unlike my mom. I grew up with the radio playing non-stop. (for us Belgians: it's Radio 2) This station plays oldies, some popular songs but luckily no Nicki Minaj or other shit. I always loved piano music but never really researched it, I might do it in the future.

But I do enjoy a musical intermezzo from time to time, and the setting was perfect, so I really wanted to share it with you guys.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

IT guy voluntarily implants chip into his arm

Sometimes, the stupidity of people hurts me, like in this case. On the Belgian news today: some guy was tired of carrying a keychain around all day, so he decided to have a chip implanted which will open the doors from his house, car, etc. Found this link, didn't find it in English, so it'll be hard to understand if you don't speak Dutch. Anyway, here it is.

WHY??? How much does a keychain weight? How hard is it to carry it around all day? I can understand that your hobby is technology. I get the fact that you dig cyborg stuff. But do you really want to become one? I'm all for technology helping people when disabled or sick. (and even then, I have some serious doubts...) But being a lazy ass mafucka, too fucking stupid to realize you are bringing a strange object in your body which might be harmfull... This technology thing is going way too far.

I own a smartphone. Friends gave it to me, but I never use it. I hate smartphones. Whenever people buy one, they become brainless slaves to facebook, twitter, instagram, or whatever website is hip nowadays. I don't even know how the last two websites work, and I only keep my facebook account because I'm too weak to delete it. It is an addiction. At least I can admit that. I hate the fact we are being groomed to want things and need things that cost ridiculous amounts of money, just so you can share you latest breakfast or sushi dinner. In China, this addiction got so serious, the goverment decided to have special pathways installed for smartphone users. Just in case they won't bother people who just want to walk instead of bumbing into some brainless Iphone junkie.

Worst thing about this whole story is that people actually find it cool. WHY? WHY is it cool? I know there was this huge discussion some years back in the UK about parents having their children implanted with chips so they would always know where they were. In case some paedophile caught them. Do you really think this will help? It's just Big Brother, disguised as a rape solution.

This man isn't disabled, he was just tired of carrying around keys. Well newsflash, you punk: life ain't easy. What's next, implanting your stupid ass smartphone into your arm because you might break it? You know what, you go ahead, you pathetic peace of fat. Be proud about the fact thugs only need to cut off your arm to get access to all you own. And don't get surprised when shit like that happens.

'My house is full of electronics', wow, you make me puke.

As you guys might have noticed, I recently moved to a renovated student home. The doorbell is 'high tech': when someone rings, it automatically sends a message to your smartphone. Wow. When my landlord showed me this, I told him straight that I don't have a smartphone and I'd rather have diarrhea for 10 months then using one. What is wrong with an old fashioned doorbell? We have this smart cars now with 'park assist', are you guys really that stupid to think that's a good thing? They present it to you as something which will make your life easier, but in fact, they take away the opportunity to actually learn how to park a goddamn car.

STOP BEING LAZY


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

MyReads: January

Here we go again...
NOTE: I'm typing this post way too late, I forgot a lot of details about some books. This post is really blurry and bad, my excuses for that. I should really start typing these comments right after I finish, but man am I lazy...

Bret Easton Ellis - 'Imperial bedrooms' (read in Dutch; title: 'De informanten')

Bret Easton Ellis is one of my favourite authors, so I really looked forward to reading this book. Imperial bedrooms takes us back to the characters we've met in his first novel, 'less than zero', which is still my favourite Ellis book. I must say I wasn't that impressed with this sequel. You do get a nice view into the lives of Clay, Rip, and all the others, but this book just didn't tickle my fancy like the rest of his books do. (this reminds me, I still have to read 'rules of attraction', I bought it a million years ago but still didn't read it). I'm not saying you shouldn't read it, but I strongly suggest you start with 'less than zero' first. Else you really won't know what the hell he's writing about

my score: 5/10

Jonathan Franzen - 'Strong Motion' (read in Dutch; title: 'Schokgolven')

A strange book. The protagonist is a young man who struggles with live, society, but most of all his materialistic mom and sister. After an earthquake, his grandmother dies. His mom inherits all her money, which brings great stress into the household. At the same time, he falls in love with an older scientist, who discovered a connection between the earthquakes and a nearby factory. The book handles about love and growing up, but also about pollution and how we are all responsible. Can't say I enjoyed it that much, but it's beautifully written. I do believe the author has a lot of potential to grow, so I might read more of his books.

My score: 5/10

Hubert Lampo - 'Terugkeer naar Atlantis' (famous Flemish writer, found no translation)

My mom hates Lampo, because she was forced to read his most famous novel, 'De komst van Joachim Stiller', in high school. She hated it with a passion, but I read that book about 4 years ago and loved it. This one wasn't as good, but still I like how Lampo writes, in a philosophical way, no big stories, but big thoughts. I can't really describe it anymore and since there is no translation, I won't bother. I strongly recommend 'Joachim Stiller', tho.

My score: 7/10


Gayle Lynds - 'The book of Spies' (read in Dutch; title: 'De geheime Boekenclub')

This book was really stupid. I liked the idea at first, but the story bored me to dead, probably one of the worst 'thrillers' I've ever read. I don't want to use any more words for it.

My score: 3/10


Lawrence hill - 'The book of Negroes' (read in Dutch; title: 'Het Negerboek')

I love books about the South, slavery, and Southern literature (I know this is not Southern literature). This book describes the journey of a young girl who was captured and enslaved. She describes the horrors of a slave ship, the terrors of being enslaved, and how she was finally freed and lived in London. Described painfuly yet very touching, this book caught me by the troath and punched me in the stomach, just like every truly touching book does.

My score: 8/10


Jeroen Brouwers - 'Sysiphus' bakens - vloekschrift (feuilletons 8)' (probably my favourite Dutch author, no translation)

I admire Jeroen Brouwers. He's one of the best Dutch writers I have read, and by far the best polemic writer I've ever read. I'm doing a great job on collecting all his books. Anyway, this polemic deals with the fact Brouwers denied 'the most prestigious literary price in the lowlands' because he can hardly live from the money he makes as an author. I like all his books, but I like him the most when he gets angry.

My score: 9/10

Dirk De Wachter - 'Borderline times - the end of normality' (read in Dutch; title: 'Borderline times, the end of normality')

Great, just great. De Wachter gives us a view on society based on the 8 characteristics of borderline as listed in the DSM  IV, and how they dominate our society. The destruction of family, the glorification of violence and substance abuse, and many more. By some of the points I shaked my head and felt like he finally described how I felt for years. But as every one on earth, I'm not free of blame, and sometimes I had to admit I make the same mistakes. A thought-provoking and very interesting book, I recommend it to everybody who is interested in psychology and society.

My score: 8/10


Books that match the 2015 reading challenge

• A book with more than 500 pages: 'strong motion'
• A book by a female author: 'The book of spies' (sadly enough)
• A book set in a different country: 'The book of negroes' (multiple countries!)
• A book you can finish in a day: 'Imperial bedrooms'
• A non-fiction book: 'Borderline times'

I'm really going to try to keep my booklist updated more regularly, so you guys won't have to read completely crappy reviews.


Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Bad news (personal)

Hi folks,

We recently found out my mom has lung cancer. I really tried updating this blog sooner, but I couldn't.
The verdict was on 26th january. Last wednesday she had her first chemotherapy. She seems to react quite good to it, she's not sick or tired. My mother is a very strong woman. I know most people will say this about their parents, but my mom really isn't normal.
Since I had internship for 11 weeks, I did not have much time to study, and exams are coming closer and closer. Also, I'm at my parents house now to help them out with tasks, because my dad has extreme back pains which cause him to walk with a limp. He needs to be operated on march 2.

As much as I want to write and be a little angry penguin, I just can't, not now. I'm 100 percent sure every one reading this understands.

Love,

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

BusyBusyBusy

I haven't been working for school as much as I should have the last couple of weeks, which means I have a lot of catching up to do. Besides that I have internship. And although I tried a couple of times to write an article, about stuff that is happening in Belgium and Europe right now, things are changing so rapidly I can't follow. On top of that, I'm trying to read more during evenings. So I don't have as much blog-time as I'd like in these dark days hehe.

Anyway, I'll try to update more regularly, for now, I'll leave you with this awesome fella:

 

Sabetha

pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

The elephant in the room: Charlie Hebdo

Since Paris is not that far from Antwerp, and since the attack this wednesday was not just an attack on innocent people, but also and foremost an attack on the freedom of speech, I'll do my 'job' and state my support for the victims, family and the protests going on right now.

I won't bother you with details of what happened. I think every one who stumbles upon this blog knows pretty darn good what happened, and else: google is your best friend (just don't automatically believe what some sources say...). It's hard to express what I felt when I heard of what happened. I wasn't shocked, it felt more like the threath we all felt the last years in Europe, was finally unravelling in full force and it was awful yet also oddly familiar, as if we all knew it was coming, we just expected it to be a bombing or some other 'common' method of terrorism. Unlike my reaction to other attacks, such as those in London, I felt really uneasy about it. Not only is it an act of terrorism, it's also aimed at one of the 'rights' we have which I cherish most.

Antwerp is not only pretty close to Paris, we also have a big population of muslims, wether we like it or not. Reaction happened pretty quickly over here. The same night, a spontanious procession took place in Brussels. I also like this Antwerp graffitti:

  

I don't believe muslims were involved in the attack. Extremists did it, not muslims. But that's not what I want to write about now. Since I'm 100% sure we haven't seen the last of this yet, I'll get back to the events and the suspects in another post.

I've read a lot about the militarisation of the police and how the world is ruled by those who we can never see or hurt. But it's one of the first times I can give comments on an event that is met with disgust globaly. I really don't feel happy about it, but I'm really curious to see what rights will be taken away from which people as a response to what took place. Also, this will be discussed by yours truly, later.

What shocked me the most is how close it's all becoming and especially, who got killed at Charlie Hebdo. 2 of the killed cartoonists were old men.
I'm still looking for the right feeling to express what I was thinking when I saw the news, but I can't quite put a finger on it. It felt like recognition, like it was ment to be, we all knew it would come but we never wanted to see it coming.

The year 2015 has not started out good. Am I scared? No, but I'm certainly not at ease. Not only did we loose 12 people on wednesday, the whole event spanned roughly 2 days, in which more people died and chaos ruled France and Europe. We have not yet seen the end of this. More attacks will follow, I am so sure of that. But that's not the only thing that unsettles me. Already have I seen some measures and tactics being used the last days which gave me goosebumps. I'll also get back on that later.

All I want to say for now is this: I condemn these actions and I feel deeply for the deads, pain and suffering they gave us. But let's not forget we are being ruled by an elite who has everything just under control. I want to know the truth about what happened almost in my backyard. I'm not buying this IS/Al-Qaida crap. And I do NOT like what is happening in Europe neither the voices I hear in the streets.

That's all for now folks, as I said 3 times before, I will get back on this.

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

Nightmares, anyone?

I once read a book in which the author staded that the worst thing to listen to is someone else's nightmare. But I also read someone who had the same feeling about having to watch someone's vacation photographs, and this one for me is the shittiest out of the list. So here we go.

I hate dreaming because of my frequent and intense nightmares. Since I quit smoking weed during the week I've been dreaming again, but not quite like I was used to.

First of all, since two weeks I start dreaming really late because I'm always vividly dreaming when my alarm goes off at roughly the same hour. Besides that, I've been having the same dream over and over again, but with different elements.

It's always about one of the places I spend time a lot. They are always being bombed. It started with my hometown, Last time it was in Antwerp. The only real thing that's always the same is the bombing, the other things happening are random and really stupid or crazy. This one time, I tried to run away in the woods and in another one, some queen of thieves was threatening me. Etc etc.

I always considered dreams and nightmares in particular to be crazy spins of the brain, sadly enough I encounter them a lot during nightly hours. This is one of the reasons I have regular problems with sleep.

But I never dream about the same theme every damn time. I don't believe my dream to be some vision. I'm just wondering what's happening in my brain. This stuff is way too annoying (and creepy) at the same time.

Sabetha

pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

An interesting reading challenge

  

This idea fills me with joy! Some of them have to be re-reads I guess, for example, I can't really know if a book is going to make me cry. But already, some titles come to mind and I'm pretty sure I'll give this challenge a try. Also, I don't consider graphic novels to be books. Sorry. And I hate romance.

My first book of the year is 'Imperial Bedrooms', by one of my favourite authors: Bret Easton Ellis. 

Sabetha

pissedofpenguin@gmail.com

New Year's resolutions?

I never make resolutions, because I know how I am and I never keep my promises to myself. But there are some things I want to do this year.

1. Read 100 books.
2. Keep a list of the books I read. I always wanted to do this but I'm very lazy when it comes to keeping lists.
3. Pass my second year of nursery, preferably without re-examinations.
4. Write more, not only on this blog but also for myself.

There. I probably won't have a problem with the first or even second one. Number 3 is doable but will take some more work than last year. Number 4 has been a problem since I learned how to write. I can't seem to accept the fact that when I try to write something, it's not Pulitzer price material. My own perfectionism keeps me down.

Besides those 4, I also want to exercise more start exercising. I am the world's biggest couch potatoe. Since I was born with a fast metabolism, I never saw the need of doing sports hehe. I really should start living more healthy. And stop smoking. And only smoke weed in the weekends.

Anyway, I hope next year will be a bit better than 2014. It already started out quite shitty tho, so I don't have much hope.

Happy new year to all of you! :)

Sabetha
pissedofpenguin@gmail.com